I am deeply concerned how the young people of our congregation
might be reacting to the news. I am also mindful that how much parents choose
to tell their children will vary depending on their ages and other
circumstances.
Therefore, tomorrow during worship, while the children are with us,
my references will be general (e.g., "sadness," "safety," "fear") rather than
specific. For "A Time for All," I will talk about feelings, and how some people
are sad this time of year (I will use myself as an example, having recently lost
my mom). I will also read the poem below from noted 20th theologian Howard
Thurman and will help any child who so wishes in lighting candles which I will
have available.
"I Will Light Candles This Christmas" by
Howard Thurman
I will light Candles this
Christmas,
Candles of joy despite all the
sadness,
Candles of hope where despair keeps
watch,
Candles of courage for fears ever
present,
Candles of peace for tempest-tossed
days,
Candles of grace to ease heavy
burdens,
Candles of love to inspire all my
living,
Candles that will burn all year
long.
When the song of the angels is
stilled,
When the star in the sky is
gone,
When the kings and princes are
home,
When the shepherds are back with their
flock,
The work of Christmas begins:
To find the lost,
To heal the broken,
To feed the hungry,
To release the prisoner,
To rebuild the nations,
To bring peace among others,
To make music in the heart.
Later (after the children are in their Sunday School classes), we
adults will have an opportunity to express more our feelings more specifically
and pointedly during prayer time, and my Pastoral Prayer will be directed to the
tragedy.
Your children, especially the older ones, will probably (and may
have already started to) ask questions, especially about God's love, care,
protection, and role in this tragedy. Children's understanding and
comprehension of death differs depending on their development stage and age, but
as a beginning, I offer these suggestions from bereavement
experts:
-- Sadness and grief are realities of death; attempts to protect
children deny them opportunities to share their feelings and receive needed
support.
-- Younger children take words literally; avoid euphemisms for
death such as sleeping, resting, loss, passed away, or taking a
long trip.
-- Children take their cues from adults. Don't hide your grief,
but rather be open with your emotions. Your open grieving gives a child
"permission" to grieve as well.
-- Be a good listener. Like adults, children need to talk about
their fears and feelings and be able to ask questions.
-- Repeat brief, simple, and honest explanations as often as the
child asks. It's OK to respond "I don't know" to some questions. Indeed, some
questions have no answers.
-- Don't blame God. Death is a profoundly theological issue, and
children will ask religious questions. However, some parents unwittingly create
future spiritual problems for children by incorrectly assigning blame to God for
a death. This is done with explanations such as "God needed some little
angels," "It was God's will," or "God loved those little children so much that
God took them." Rather than speak of God "taking" people, convey to your
children that God has "received" them and that God is also sad about their
deaths. Remind your children that "God shares our pain and will help us get
through this."
If you are uncomfortable with your children being part of "A Time
for All" tomorrow, then please let me know as soon as possible so we can arrange
an alternative activity for them downstairs during the first part of worship.
If you are hesitant about attending church tomorrow, because of
either your children or your own deep feelings regarding yesterday's tragedy,
I invite you to speak with me. It is as a community worshipping God together
that we can find healing and strength which might otherwise be elusive, and it
is when "two or three are gathered in my name" that we can experience the divine
grace and the promised presence of the Holy Spirit.
I am always available to speak with you or your children. Please
do not hesitate to contact me either via email at jeanlenk@comcast.net, at the church at 781-344-2395, or on my cell
phone at 978-500-3393.
